A Random Naruto Parody
by Lonewolf101
Summary: OMG, I updated! Yes, I shall be revived, just been busy. Shall come more new chapters soon.
1. THEY'VE ALL GONE CRAZY, DUDE!

Lone: NARUTO! GAARA! I LOVE YOU GAARA! oh yes, there will be retardedness and OOCness

K&C/glare at Gaara/

Gaara: What? Not my fault I look hot!

K&C/start walking toward him slowly carrying guns/

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"YES! MY DREAM IS NOW COMPLETE!" Gaara shouted as he put on his apron and set up the registers. "MONEYMALL IS COMPLETE! AND NOW I SHALL WORK AT WAFFLE-WORLD WHILE WHITSLTING CHEERFULLY FOR NO REASON!" Is this the emotion-less Gaara we see in the anime? Yes it is!

And no, we have not landed in a strange-parallel universe. At least, not to my knowledge…

Yes, Gaara's dream has been to open a MoneyMall. MoneyMall is a mall where you can find everything you could dream and want! . Of course, you would have to pay…MONEY! YES! LOTS OF MONEY!

"Okay…MoneyCDS…CHECK!….MoneyInvaderZIMplushies with GiR…CHECK!…Okay, that's about it for…dunndunndunn…MONEYMALL!" Gaara said happily as he continued whistling as he set up some syrup bottles.

7382784789324797218934798324somewhere in some trees near…MONEYMALL! .12345678900000

Orochimaru stared at Gaara through a pink Barbie telescope. Why a telescope? I want to be different…

"O…m…g…Gaara is retarded…"

"Like you, boss?"

"QUIET WAFFLE!" Orochimaru said to one of the Eggo waffles as he ate it as the other Eggo products stared in shock. Orochimaru turned pale because he got a tan at the beach. Of course, noone would date him. So…let's just say he proved the Red Sea existed….but anyway, Orochimaru turned pale.

"Oh god, I shouldn't have eaten an Eggo waffle…" Orochimaru said as he threw up on Itachi, who was trying to climb up to tree to talk to Orochimaru about something. Let this be known, the tree was tall, so when Orochimaru threw up, he threw up on Itachi's hair.

"OMFG!" Itachi screamed along with his screams of terror as he fell off the tree, but the others didn't notice…and he fell of for a long time….

637162476236463246324895in the MoneyMall! .267493268476324789648376487638463874683248

"Hello…ma'am…."Gaara said, trying to find words. 1: He had never addressed a woman nor anyone politely, and 2: the woman was sexy….but Gaara will soon discover the horror.

"HEYA GAARA!" Neji said happily.

"Heya Neji! Feeling unusually joyful today too?"

"Not unusually, I just got more dam rich then I already was!" Neji said, laughing like Santa Claus.

Tai, my OC, just stares as she backs away slowly…

"…Right, so Gaara, what kinda waffles you have?"

"First, who's her?"

"Oh her name is…./crap/ um….Natumo! Right, NATUMO!" Tai said, laughing nervously.

"YES!" "Natumo" said, giggling nervously.

"So you got more rich? Won the trial then?"

"YEP! Hitler didn't stand a chance!(1)"

"You own rights now?"

"Yep, now I don't have to wear my headband anymore!"

"ANYMORE?(!)" Natumo, Tai and Gaara said at the same time.

"Just on my waist, like Lee!" Neji said cheerfully. "Lee's gonna be happy, he says I look sexy with it on my waist! ." Neji said, strutting a pose.

"Oh god….I'm going to the bathroom. Natumo…um…just stay out of trouble…." Tai said as she went to the bathroom. When she got in, she took out her walkie-talkie and started finding a frequency.

"Natumo, you read me?"

"Yeah, but are you sure this is safe, leaving me with…him?…"Natumo said nervously, staring at Gaara. NOT THAT WAY YOU PERVS! With the staring and the 'left alone' part! God you pervs…

"Hey, he's in a happy mood!"

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"So can you do it?"

"You better pay me waffles and little tacos!" Neji said.

"Agunimon will take care of that." Gaara said then suddenly, popping out of nowhere, Agunimon and Wolfmon started dancing across the screen in ballet costumes then leap off the screen and they landed with a crash…

"Umm….YOU ALL DIDN'T SEE JACK!"

"…Okay, now I'm not sure…."

"But well, I'll do it, cause I wanna see too…." Neji said as he did some handsigns. "BYAKUGAN!" Neji yelled, which Natumo surprisingly, being only 5 feet way, couldn't hear. Wait…just to let you know, this is perverted…

"Hmm….Teddy Bear panties…."

"COOL ." Gaara said.

"And…o….m…..f….g…..NATUMO IS NARUTO!" Neji yelled.

"wHaT?(!) NARUTO! YOU SHALL DIE!" Gaara said as his gourd turned into sand and he started chasing Naruto. Okay, Gaara had written instructions on how to use his gourd. And Naruto was always burning, burying, throwing shuriken, and just plain destroying all his manuals, which were exactly 18 manuals (2). So Naruto has a liking for cross-dressing…dun dun DUNN!…And wanted to try it in public. He was embarrassed but Tai talked him into it. Of course, Naruto doesn't want to be an attraction, cause he knows how much Gaara wants to kill him for the manuals cause Gaara written his hand off and couldn't write for a week…and Gaara hated being tricked…but So Tai decided to take Naruto to MoneyMall. Tai didn't know about the manuals though…

"YOU SHALL DIE NARUTO!" Gaara said, getting a freaky look in his eye. Naruto then pulled off his 'Ninja Harem' thing on Gaara but Gaara had plugged his nose with waffles so they wouldn't bleed. But you could still see blood.

"Uh, Gaara…"

"Blood makes everything better….including your death…."

"Oh crap!" Naruto screamed. Suddenly, Itachi and Orochimaru busted through. Gaara looked even more mad.

"You all are invited to my trial!"

"WTH?(!)"

"Um…yeah…what happened to Neji?" Itachi asked them. They could see Neji lying on the floor, fainted from a nosebleed.

"Do you really want to know?"

"….not really now…."

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Lone: …Yeah….I just felt like doing this. I like Gaara . Gaara is cool…So Sam, I'm hoped you're satisfied Sam! You have bugged me email after email about this story! But just to let you know, I may put you in the next chapter…

Sam: SWEET! . I'm one of the lucky ones that you put in your fanfics/starts parading around the room/

Lone: o.O yeah…lucky ones…..next time: Itachi & Orochimaru in L&M's court: Secrets Are Revealed! You know what L and M means…if you've read 'Bastion Gets Sued,Man!'….I suggest you read that…

Lone & Sam: And remember kids: Stop, Drop, and Roll doesn't work in hell! . We're smart!….but for retarded stuff….


	2. Secrets revealed at court!

Lone: Okay, well, this is up early but I hate cause it won't let me do faces T.T

Sam: ME, one of your superiors, shall appear! Because I know magic! MAGIC I TELL YOU!

Lone: Um…you're shouting…

Sam: QUIET YOU!

Lone: Oh yeah, didn't explain numbers. Well, I was on Google looking for piccies then I saw one with Neji's birthmark scar thingie and then it looked like that Nazi sign, but Sam wouldn't believe me so I went on Wikipedia and it said it stood for something else but it was made into an X in America or something like that cause it looked like the Nazi's sign. So I was saying that Hitler sued Neji for that…

And the manuals was for my friend Chris, but his name here is Myryu cause he likes it like that, but we had an rpg(we have those a lot) where we were at this anime school and Myryu was in a tournament and he made Gaara let him use the gourd and Gaara wrote instruction manuals for them but Naruto the fool messed them up. Yeah…..

Sam: O.O

Lone: Oh yes forgot, I do not own Naruto or any other brand names for THE WHOLE FANFIC! But I own the retarded stuff they do

Sabrina: HEY! Why didn't I appear in the last chappie huh, punk?(!)

Lone: Watch your language, there are children here/points at babies sitting in the crowd/

Sabrina: O.O But that doesn't stop you! You're poisoning their minds with retardedness!

Lone: Well, that's because I'm the author and that soon they're gonna be poisoned soon enough when they go to school! Here, you get a machine gun if it makes you happy…

Sabrina /smily face/ SWEET/runs off and you can hear shooting/ TAKE THAT BARNEY-LOVER!

L&S: O.O We don't want to know…And I LIKE spelling smily that way!

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The people are weird…the cases are retarded…the rulings are freaky…This is Lone and Myryu's SweetH-I mean Courthouse. But they do have a lot of sweets….

"Okay, court, get in session! And no Syrus, getting in session does not mean doing it!" Myryu said closing his eyes tightly to not see what he was doing and out of exasperation…

"But I wanna do it with the Obelisk girls man! You can't suppress my rights and beliefs!" Syrus said all wavy and crap. Okay, you REALLY need to read Bastion gets sued so you'll understand the situation. Really…or you will be lost on who these people are…But anyway, Syrus started to attack Myryu like a rabid squirrel!

"TAI(CHI)! MATT! SUPPRESS HIM WITH DRUG-LESS DRUGS!"

"How do we give him drug-less drugs?"

"I don't want questions, I want suppressing!"

"Do you even know what suppressing means?"

"Stop asking questions!" Myryu shouted and then his head exploded! But then another head popped back up out of the shirt!

"O.O"

"Really long story that will come back to me soon…but SUPPRESS HIM!"

"HOW DO WE?(!)"

"NO QUESTIONS, SUPPRESSING!"

"MYRYU!"

"TAI!"

"MYRYU!"

"MATT!"

"MYRYU!"

"TAI, MATT!"

"ZANEY!" Zane said all happy and stuff. Everyone just stared at him as Tai and Myryu got a sweatdrop…

"I knew we shouldn't have paid for therapy…" Myryu said to Tai

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okay you need to read Bastion gets sued now mister!

Random Reader: But I'm a woman/gets shot by Sabrina, SWEET/

Lone: :) Now you're a dead person…I use these faces sometimes…Thank you Sabrina!

Sabrina: :) No problem, JuJu/smily face, deal with the spelling/

Jaden and others: O.O

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"You picked therapy! I gave you two choices. I told you therapy was expensive but bubble wrap was cheaper, but NNNNNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOO! You said you didn't want to turn into a Mr. Krab overnight!" Tai said.

"Whatever, now we're going to get into some more retarded stuff." Myryu said to the court.

….THE PEOPLE ARE WEIRD…THE CASES ARE RETARDED…THE RULINGS ARE FREAKY…WAIT, IM DOING THIS AGAIN…WHATEVER….

"Okay, now that Syrus is..wait, he's not suppressed with drug-less drugs! I SAID SUPPRESS HIM!" Myryu started.

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10 minutes and a lot of explosions later…

"I SAID DRUG-LESS DRUGS, MAN!"

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HALF AN HOUR LATER…

BBBBBBBBBBBOOOOOOOOOOOOOMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM

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2 DAYS LATER…

"Okay, can we hurry up, we're running out of time cards, they're heavy, and Kouji is drooling on me, dammit!" Chazz said as he tried to shake Kouji off of him…

"NO! YOU ARE MINE GINGERBREAD MAN! GIMME BACK TAI NOWWEE!"

"O.O ThAT IS MY DREAM, DREAM-STEALER! And what the hell kind of a word is nowwee?"

"/keeps drooling/…SOMETHING I MADE UP, BUT YOU WON'T GET TO HEAR AGAIN, GINGERBREAD MAN!"

"O.O"

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so much longer, they both fell asleep so noone could read the time cards…

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"Ok, now that Syrus is suppressed, Zane is in a straight jacket, and Chazz and Kouji have stopped dreaming about gingerbread men, we can begin!" Myryu said. "Ok, so it's Itachi and Orochimaru right? Ok, Itachi is suing Orochimaru for…?"

"BECAUSE HE'S COPYING MY HAIR BUT JUST LETS IT DOWN!" Itachi wailed.

"NO! It should be the other way, you're copying my hair but putting it up! So don't start crying because it should be me who should be wailing, pony-boy!"

"…WWWWWWWAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

"I COMMAND YOU TO STOP WAILING!" Orochimaru shouted, but suddenly, one of his snakes popped up and ate an Eggo waffle, got pale, then threw up Sasuke, Neji, and Kankuro.

"FEAR ME, FOR I AM NEJI, THE POWERFUL GUY WHO HAS MULTIPLE PERSONALITIES!" Neji said, wearing Mojo Jojo's hat thingie on his head.

"BOW DOWN FOR MY PERSONALITY RIGHT NOW IS NEJI-JIJI! THAT'S RIGHT! I AM NEJI-JIJI AND YES, IT IS A PUN OR WHATEVER! THAT'S BECAUSE I AM SMART! AND YOU ARE NOT! SO THAT MAKES YOU DUMB! BUT I AM NOT DUMB, SO THAT MAKES ME SMART! SO I AM SMART, THEREFORE I AM MORE SUPERIOR AND SMARTER THAN YOU! BECAUSE YOU ARE DUMB! WAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA!" Neji said, cackling at the end.

"…So basically, he is smart and we are not?…" Tai asked Myryu.

"…Yeah…This personality could get annoying…SUPPRESS HIM!"

"GOT IT!" Tai and Matt said as they suppressed him with drug-less drugs. They're MAGICIANS… "Ok…THAT IS THE LAST TIME I TRUST YOU TO GET US A RIDE SASU!" Kankuro shouted as he tried to clean himself of snake stuff…that I don't know the names for….stuff, okay?

"WELL, WE WOULDN'T HAVE HAD TO RIDE IN THAT SNAKE IF YOU SWITCHED US TO GEICO! THEN WE STILL COULD'VE RODE ON MY NINJA FROG! AND I WASN'T GONNA RIDE IN SOME CAR! AND DON'T CALL ME SASU!" Sasuke said angrily, also cleaning himself, covered in snake stuff…

"SASU! SASU! SASU! SASU! SASU! SASU! SASU! SASU! SASU! SASU! SASU! SASU! SASU! SASU! SASU! SASU! SASU! SASU! SASU! SASU! SASU! SASU! SASU! SASU! SASU! SASU! SASU! SASU! SASU! SASU! SASU! SASU! SASU! SASU! SASU! SASU! SASU! SASU! SASU! SASU! SASU! SASU! SASU! SASU! SASU! SASU! SASU! SASU!" Kankuro said mockingly. Sasuke couldn't take it after the third row of the chanting. He tackled Kankuro with a long

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" and then they started wrestling. Fangirls started taking pictures as they started tearing clothes off. Tai started taking piccies of Kankuro cause she doesn't think Sasuke is hot…

"Wait, I thought Geico gave out Dueling Insurance!" Tyranno Kenzan said.

"Dueling insurance, Ninja animal insurance…" Sasuke started.

"Don't forget candy insurance!" Tai said.

"They give out candy insurance?"

"Basically they have every type of insurance. I got it from a special offer when SOMEONE" Tai said, glaring at Syrus as she said 'someone' Syrus started to shiver

"ate my sweetarts."

"BIG BROTHER!" Gaara said cutely as he tackled Kankuro!

"LITTLE BRO!" Kankuro said back as they started hugging!

"SO KAWAII!" Tai said as she snapped piccies!

"Could you send copies in a email? My address is purplepuppetkillermakeup at OKEY POKEY!" Tai said.

"The reason I didn't want to switch to Geico cause of that gecko. NO GECKO CAN TALK IN THE WORLD!"

"BECAUSE THEY HAD A VOICE ACTOR!" Sasuke said!

"Hey guys, do you want to settle this in fighting?" Myryu said. They both nodded.

"Okay, wrestling first, then ninja stuff. TIME FOR"

HELL IN A CELL!

"HELL IN A CELL?(!)" Sam said. "YOU ON CRACK MAN?(!)"

"No, but Syrus probably is!"

"100 for you!" Syrus said all wavy….he says everything wavy now…okay, so Sasuke and Kankuro got in HELL IN A CELL! Because im 2 lazy to do both the rounds of ninja stuff and wrestling, Kankuro won, MAN!

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"Okay, well, even though we have not heard anything, we shall decide!" Tai said. She stared at them. "hmm………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………I pick-" Tai said but then suddenly the wall busted! Smoke was everywhere, but everyone could still see a dark, tall, thin figure blocking some of the sunlight. It was…It was….

OMFG IT WAS BARBIE!

"TF(freaking, people, freaking…)?(!)" Tai and Myryu shouted. Yes, it was Barbie! She was cosplaying Sakura. Sakura now works at Ino's store since they've gotten together….yes, they are now dating…

"HEY! YOU'RE MAKING OUR UNIFORMS LOOK BAD!" Sakura and Ino shouted at the same time. They both threw shuriken but they repelled for some reason! Everyone tried to destroy Barbie, but every way failed….wow, I'm actually putting details…wow…THEN SUDDENLY ANOTHER WALL GOT BUSTED AND PEOPLE STARTED CHOKING FROM THE DUST!

"Choking…must…use…the…force…."Takuya said before fainting. But then he got up again for some reason….

"You mean you didn't choke to death?" Kouichi asked.

"No, it was for dramatic impact…"

"Damn, goggle domination has still yet to achieve…" Kouichi muttered…

"DAMN IT! WHY DON'T YOU PEOPLE EVER USE THE SAME STUPID HOLE?(!)" Tai shouted.

"Uh….Dramatic impact…yeah, that's it…." The figure said. It was not REALLY tall like Barbie, but tall, and sort of bulky. It was…

HOLY GOD I LOVE YOU, IT WAS SABRINA WITH WEAPONS!

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Lone: YES:) This is a scene I've always wanted to do! So I'll try to put some big fights in A Random Naruto Parody, so stay tuned! If you cannot handle this, skip it. You have been warned…SO DON'T SUE ME!

P R E P A R E F O R S O M E WHOOP-ASS KICKING MAN!

There was a tall girl with long, flowing light-brown hair standing in the way of the sun trying to get into the hole.

"OH MY GOD! IM BURNING!" Sabrina said as she stripped off her weapons and rolled on the ground. "OOOOOOWWWWWWIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEE!"

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Lone: Dam, I have to cut the whoop-ass scene…but it will continue in the next chapter!


	3. eh, just a disclaimer

Lone: Just a short note, yes IO did take it from you Chris, but it was for a good retarded reason! But he owns right to it. But thanks Chris/smiley face/ YOU ARE THE KING OF RETARDED FUNNIENESS!


	4. The Fight is on! Avenge Orochimaru!

Lone: YEAH! IT's OCTOBER/smiley face/ Ok, Since my birthday is Halloween, that's right people, you can even ask hinata657. So, This is the last time I will update until that day, or the Saturday that I'll have my celebration. I'm gonna do lots of chapters, new stories, though some will not be what I mentioned in the 1st chapter, but still LOTS OF STUFF!

So I'm gonna be busy with all of that while trying to survive crappy school and all that crap, yeah, crap.

I was also thinking of ripping off Shonen Jump and doing one fanfic but more then one in the file. But it'll probably be one story at a time until I come up with stuff…

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did you read above? Okay good, continue on…

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"Okay, while that retarded girl tries to…um……get the flames out, yah that's right, get the flames out, I SHALL SUE YOU! OROCHIMARU AND ITACHI!" Barbie said, pointing a pink nail-polished finger at them.

"…why?…"Itachi said slowly.

"Basically, you look like me-"

"HOW DID YOU FIND OUT ABOUT MY PLASTIC SUGERY?(!)" Orochimaru shouted.

"…What the hell?" Tai said.

"Oops…./shifty eyes/ YOU DIDN'T SEE ANYTHING!" Orochimaru said as he tried to back away. Itachi just stared at him.

"Yeah, well, I'm leaving, I'm not having Barbie sue me when I'm already suing someone/itch!" Itachi said.

"Oh no…oh no you didn't!" Barbie screamed as she started to throw that doggie poop thing, you know that commercial about Barbie taking care of that dog?

"Oh crap, RUN PONY BOY RUN!" Orochimaru said as they tried to escape from the doggie poop that was being flinged at them. But it was too late…

/slow motion time, that's why the stuff they say will have spaces between each letter./

"N O O O O O O O O O O O O O O!" Itachi said as poop hit Orochimaru. Orochimaru fell down dramatically.

"F A T H E R! H E L P M E! A N D D O N' T L E A V E L I K E Y O U D I D W H E N W E W E R E P L A Y I N G S T A R W A R S !" Orochimaru shouted as he fell to the ground and laid motionlessly.

" O R O C H I M A R U !" Sabrina screamed as he fell.

" W H E R E T H E H E L L W E R E Y O U ? ( ! )" Myryu shouted as he moved his arm and pointed at her in slow motion.

" P U T T I N G O U T T H E F L A M E S , D U H !" Sabrina screamed back at him while they both waved their arms in SLOW MOTION while they argued, which looked pretty funny.

/end slow motion/

"SOMEONE GET HIM TO A HOSPITAL!" Myryu shouted as Naruto and Sasuke took him there.

Barbie started cackling "YES! NOONE CAN STAND THE POWER OF THE DOGGIE POOP!" Sabrina turned around and glared at her. Oh you die/itch."

" And how?" Barbie said mockingly.

"LIKE THIS!" Sabrina screeched angrily as she started her chainsaw and her machine guns and a bunch of other dangerous stuff. She let out a war cry as she ran and latched herself on Barbie first, dropping the weapons. Sabrina pulled her hair while screaming " YOU KILLED OROCHIMARU!" over and over.

"LETGOOFMYHAIR!" Barbie started screaming as she reached for one of Sabrina's legs…

"NEVER!" Sabrina screamed, but suddenly Barbie grabbed her leg and flipped her onto the ground. Sabrina got up and spat some blood onto the ground. She grabbed her machine gun and started blasting, but Barbie dodged them by pulling a flip into the air.

"Goddam cheerleaders…" Sabrina muttered as she kept firing.

"I'll avenge you Orochimaru!" Itachi said as he pulled off some fire jutsus at Barbie "DIE!" The jutsus hit Barbie and burned her hair! Suddenly, her eyes got read and flames started to heat the room.

"YOU SHALL PAY!" She screeched like a wild woman as she brought out a scepter and pink flames started to shoot out of it. Small devils popped up as they came to help her. One replaced her hair, some prepared cannons that popped out of nowhere, while the rest were busy trying to exterminate Itachi and Sabrina. Since Tai also like Orochimaru, she jumped in with her 2 swords and killed all the devils with a swing.

"What the-"

"Haven't you noticed theses are Soki's swords? Soki, The Oni of the Ash from Onimusha: Dawn of Dreams?"

"COOL! NOW LET'S KICK SOME DEMON /SS!(because I like using slash marks…)" Sabrina said as they advanced toward Barbie. Barbie leaped up and flames shot out. Tai blocked it with her swords but still got burned.

"Don't worry Tai, I'll handle this!" Sabrina said as she leapt up and shot Barbie, while she was in the air Sabrina had flashbacks of Orochimaru.

_Flashbacks_

_Sabrina stared at the tv, where Orochimaru was near Sasuke, talking about the Uchiha clan and how they should thank him for killing Sasuke, but Sabrina wasn't listening to that._

_/…He's so cool…/_

_Next, Orochimaru in front of Kakashi as Kakashi summoned his chakra while Sasuke was already fainted on the ground._

_/…I hope Kakashi is the one killed…/_

_Orochimaru was leaning near a post, talking to Kabuto. Talking about Sauske and plans._

_/Why do you have to hang out with 4-eyes Orochimaru?(!)_

end flashbacks

"This…ends…NOW!" Sabrina screamed as magically, she took Tai's swords and struck Barbie, but  
Barbie and the same time also pulled out a bomb and set it off.

BBBBBBBBBBBOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM!

As the smoke cleared, everyone looked for Barbie and Sabrina. They were both on the floor.

They weren't breathing.

Sam and Tai gasped as Itachi quickly covered up their bodies and brought a casket.

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Everyone was in a mourning as first Barbie's casket was put down. Sam and Tai were crying and they started to pick up Sabrina's. The casket was still open so everyone could see her face. She was being buried with her favorite things: One of Tai's drawings, some puzzles, a deflated smily ball, cheerleading trophies, and a photo of her family.

They closed her casket and started to lower it into the hole, but suddenly, they heard scratching coming from the casket, and then:

SABRINA BUSTED OUT OF THE CASKET!

"WHAT THE HELL?(!)" Tai and Sam, who were in dresses, yelled.

"OH CRAP!" Myryu yelled, because he had bought party supplies. Sabrina smirked and blasted the party supplies with her firey powers.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! THESE COST ME $600.78!"

"WE THOUGHT YOU WERE DEAD!" Tai and Sam screamed at Sabrina.

"That was only for dramatic impact, now BARBIE was dead, and I decided to stop playing when I heard Myryu mutter that Orochimaru was still alive cause he got a call from the hospital about it:)" Sabrina said cheerfully.

"YOU MEAN I WASTED ALL MY MONEY FOR PARTY SUPPLIES BUT WOULDN'T GET TO USE THEM EVEN IF YOU DIDN'T BURN THEM?(!)" Myryu said angrily, as his eyes started to go red and darkness and flames fired up in each palm of his hands.

"YOU MEAN I WORE THIS DRESS FOR NOTHING?(!)" Sam yelled, she was weraing a pink dress as she started to get shuriken from her holster

"YOU MEAN I WROTE ALL THIS SAD CRAP BUT I COULD'VE DONE RETARDED STUFF?(!)" Tai yelled as she regained her swords.

"…GET HER!" Tai screamed as She. Sam, and Myryu went and chased her. Trying to kill her.

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Sabrina: lies….THEY'RE ALL LIES! I DON'T LIKE OROCHIMARU!

Lone: Well, in this you do! I didn't think you would go well with Itachi. I mean, you and Orochimaru were meant for eachother. You both are evil!

Sabrina: NOW I SHALL BURN YOU WITH MY FIREY POWERS!

Lone: Well, I'm the author! And you shall die! ATTACk, RABID SQUIRRELS!

Sabrina: OH CRAP, RABID SQUIRRELS! AAAARRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGHHHHHHHH/death noises in the backround/

Lone:….you didn't see anything…or read anything…well, see you on Halloween:) or on the Saturday before it…something like that…but Orochimaru does mean 'snake man' oh yeah, I finished this in one day, NEW RECORD BABY! And this took me like 30 minutes. I'm so amazed at myself.


	5. Sasuke's a PokeTrainer! PT 1

Lone: Ok, started on the 5th chapter. Yeah, couldn't resist. That fan or whatever looks like a PokeBall on a stick! Ok, I will use real Pokemon but some will be badly made-up by Sasuke, such as SexySasuke….yeah Sasuke made up that Pokemon…just felt like he would name it that /hides from angry fans, and Sam and Sabrina. Sam will now be known as Kimiko cause she said so…/

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"Oi, Tai, you see Sasuke anywhere? I wanta kick his stupid butt today cause I feel like it." Naruto said, walking into the living room where Tai and Takuya were playing a video game.

"Um, I think he said something about going to the card store…I don't exactly know, I'm playing my new video game right now…" Tai said in a dazed trance.

"What is it?"

"Girly Man VS Kayla G. and the idiotic Brittany From The Bus."

"COOL, IS THIS 3-PLAYER?(!)" So then they just played their games, not knowing how corrupted their little minds would be later on….

"HEY!" Lone shouted as she burned the narrator using a flame-thrower. "I ALREADY CORRUPTED THEIR MINDS! I DID! SO NOONE ELSE IS TAKING THE CREDIT!…Ok…Since I feel in a happy mood, Sy, you can take the job!"

"/hiccups/ YEAH!/more hiccups/"

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Some hours later….

"DING-DONG! THERE'S PROBABLY A RETARDED PERSON OR SALESMAN AT THE DOOR!" the doorbell said.

"Where did you get that belltone?" Naruto and Takuya asked.

"Amazon."

"Cool….."

"Yeah, I know. I installed it because almost everyone who rings it and comes to my house is either retarded or a salesman trying to get me because I'm home alone. And that's why I hate those movies." Tai said as she walked towards the door and went out of the screen. Suddenly, Naruto and Takuya heard a scream!

"OH MY CHOCOLATE-FRIED CHICKEN MCNUGGETS! HAS SATAN TAKEN OVER YOUR MIND AGAIN?(!)"

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Kouji: Uh…yeah, this fanfic will have some retarded commercials with Naruto…yeah, um/looks at lines…/ Oh yeah:

Neji's Byakugan can see through trees, but can he see why kids love Cinnamon Toast Crunch?

Neji: Because they were destined to?

Kids, which compromise of Naruto, Tai, Takuya, Girly Man, and Rock Lee: NO! It's because there's cinnamon swirls in every bite!…or something like that…

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Tekken Guy: HEY KIDS! Get the new life-size Naruto/background voices echoes 'LIFE-SIZE!'/ With over 50 phrases / 'Sasuke's an emo nerd!' / and totally posable/ voices: TOTALLY!/ Comes with 5 packages of Maruchan ™ Instant Ramen!

Same Guy: Also available is the life-size Sasuke! Totally the same as Naruto/ 'What did you say, you ramen-freak?(!)' Lone: I'm gonna go kill Sasuke now, I like ramen/ but instead has a picture locket so the crazed fangirl can put her picture in!

Fangirl: SQUEAL! I LOVE YOU SASUKE!

Fangirl 2: HE'S MINE/starts fighting/

Lone/goes over to break it up…or kill them…either one…/ What do girls see in him. Yep, I'm not a Sasuke fan. BUT GAARA IS MINE/huggles Gaara/ You better make a Life-size Gaara!

Same guy (again…) :…sure thing m-mam…. They both come with real shuriken and kunai! OH THE JOY!

Kid: AH! MY EYE IS BEING POKED OUT BY A SHURIKEN!!!!

Tekken Guy/starts laughing crazily/

Myryu: Agh! I'll kill him! If you don't shut up!!!

WARNING: WE ARE NOT RESPONSIBLE FOR EYES BEING POKED OUT, ANY BODY PARTS MISSING, HOSPITAL FEES, OR YOUR DAUGHTERS GOING OUT TO KILL OTHER FANGIRLS OR GET KILLED. IT'S YOUR FAULT FOR EXPOSING THEM TO SASUKE. ALSO, DO NOT LET YOUR DAUGHTER SLEEP WITH THE SASUKE DOLL…YOU DON'T WANT THINGS HAPPENING…BAD THINGS…

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"WHY THE HECK ARE YOU WEARING A BARBIE HAT?(!)" Tai said as Shandra walked through her door.

"It was the only hat I had!" She replied as she walked into the living room.

"Guys, this is Shandra, another friend of mine who shall now be an OC. She's one of the few non-retarded people that come to my house."

"DING-DONG! THERE'S-"

"I'm coming!" Tai said as she went to the door. She opened it and then-"HOLY MOTHER OF PHYSICALLY-RETARDED FLYING MONKEYS! WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU WEARING?(!)"

Tai screamed.

It was-

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Lone: Yeah, another retarded commercial, I like this one better.

Kabuto: Buy Orochi-Bars! They're healthy in chocolate-covered blood and if you find a bloody ticket, you could visit his bo- I mean CANDY, that's right, CANDY factory!

Sasuke: Oh boy, I love candy!

Naruto: Omg, how could you fall for that!

Itachi: I'm afraid that was my fault /starts talking as he holds up an Orochi-Bar/ It all started the day he was born…

/flashback, whoo!/

Doctor: ..I'm very sorry…but your child…. has hyper-candy syndrome…

Sasuke's parents: GASP!…what's that?

Doctor/who was actually Sakura's mom/ that is when your child eats anything candy, he gets sugar-high so badly, that he destroys everything in sight of his little, innocent eyes…

Sasuke's dad/mutters/ I wouldn't call those innocent…

Sasuke's mom: Quiet you! Continue doctor/looks at her with shiny eyes/

Sakura's mom: Just don't give him anything candy. Now, Mr. Uchiha, you seem to have Sexy syndrome, will you allow me to treat that?

Sasuke's mom: GASP/slaps Sasuke's dad, glares at Sakura's mom, and leaves…/

Sasuke's dad:..ok!

/stuff that is not appropriate for anyone under 18…/cough/badstuff/cough/

Itachi/unknowing about the syndrome/ Hi, little brother, want some of my Orochi-Bar?

/end flashback for a bit/

Itachi: Yes, before Orochimaru became a part-time ninja, he was a full-time candy man!

/go back to flashback/

Sasuke: gaa/grabs bar and eats some/ gaa…gaa…GAAGAA GGGGGAAAAAAAA/SUPER SSSSAAIIIIIIYYYAAAAAAN! I know that's not how you transform but I decided to do it like that/starts destroying the hospital/

Random Woman: AH! We haven't even cut the umbilical cord to my baby yet! So that means…AH! MY UNCUT BABY!

/end flashback/

Itachi: And that explains how my mom left the hospital in her nightgown, how Sakura is attracted to Sasuke, and how Sasuke is attracted to candy(which isn't attracted to him, might I add!).

Tai: I though you were explaining how Sasuke became stupid.

Lone: I GOTTA GET ME SOME OF THAT CANDY!

Naruto: So are you telling me if I take away his candy, I can totally kill him because he would be weak and powerless?

Itachi:…pretty much, yeah

/Naruto tries to take away candy/

Sasuke: GET AWAY FROM MY OROCHI-BARS! THAT'S IT NARUTO! NOW YOU SHALL FEEL THE POWER OF THE FORCE/starts using the force on Naruto/

Naruto: CHOKE CHOKE!

Kabuto: I thought this was a candy commercial.

Lone: GIMME YOUR CANDY!

Kabuto: AAAHHH/starts running around/ HELP ME!!!!!

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"SASUKE'S BECOME A POKEMON TRAINER!!!!!!!!!!!" Tai screamed. The others slowly turned around to witness the horror……

Sasuke was in a May Advanced Battle uniform thingie. Complete with a skirt……ok, other then his mishap….he had a lot of PokeBalls on a belt strapped around his….you know….

"Um…Sasuke, did you pick out the wrong uniform or did they run out of Ash?" Naruto and Takuya asked pointing at his…okay, the reason they're making a big deal is because it doesn't cover his boxers, which had the words 'im sexy/smiley face/' written on them.

"I challenge you to a Pokemon battle! And yes, they ran out!" Sasuke said, sorta annoyed.

"What? You're asking for a butt-whooping then! Digimon totally pwns it!" Tai said, really annoyed. Bishumon, and a new Digimon that she has, Dorumon because it's purple…….came out so they could pwn Sasuke's butt!

"Yeah, we're totally gonna pwn your butt!" Takuya said getting out Agunimon from the bathroom.

"But I wanted to watch My Little Pony!"

"You're gonna pwn his butt and you're gonna pwn it good!" Takuya said, plopping him down on the floor.

"Ok, guys I'm sorry. I will fight…but with Pokemon…" Naruto said, red.

"WhAt?(!)"

"Why are you guys associated with Pokemon anyway?" Takuya asked angrily.

"Well, I did it because I realized that the Uchiha clan symbol looks like a PokeBall on a stick. So the they sued us. But we got away free if I became a Pokemon trainer!" Sasuke said.

"And I…I did it so I could get wind-powered Pokemon to help me with stuff." Naruto said quietly.

"Like what?" Tai asked.

"Um….

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/flashback/

Butterfree flaps its wings, cooling Naruto's ramen.

"YAY!" Naruto cheered, complete in a cheerleader's uniform and pom-poms.

/end retarded flashback/

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"That's wrong, selling your soul so it could cool your ramen…"

"You would probably do that too!"

"Hey! Don't forget me!" Myryu said, busting the window with his ninja skills….yeah, in this chapter, he steals the powers from Kotaro from Negima …so he gets dog powers too, because he's also part dog in a Yu-Gi-Oh GX rpg we had. So in that Chazz story, he should pop up in there too….and he gets ninja powers…

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Somewhere in a park:

Kotaro is biting a bone as he rolls around the ground. A kid walks by with his mom. The boy points at Kotaro.

"Mommy! I wanna pet the doggie!"

"No Mikey! That's a wolf, they'll chew your arm off! See that bone he has now? That's from the last kid who tried to pet him!" The mother said smiling. Mikey looked at his mom in horror.

"AHH!! MOMMY! I WANNA GO HOME NOW!!!!" Mikey screamed as he ran to the car and tried to open the door while staring at Kotaro.

'/Okay, so maybe I degraded myself for selling my powers for a bone to that Myryu kid…well, this was jerky-flavored. I'm only a normal dog…even if it's actually part-dog, but still a normal 'cant-resists-jerky-flavored-bone' part-dog!…Even if I do have ninja powers…/" Kotaro thought as he continued to chew, smiling.

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"How the heck did you pop in?" Naruto asked.

"Because I am now a ninja. And I only had to pay a jerky-flavored bone!" Myryu said.

"Cool! We should make a commercial for that!" Naruto said. "I can get more powerful!"

"Uh, sorry but right now we're trying to pwn a delusional- gay, skirt-wearing Sasuke here!" Takuya said, interrupting their business talk.

"GO SASUKE!" 1 girl screamed, waving banners.

Sabrina? WHY THE HELL ARE YOU CHEERING FOR THE ENEMY?(!)" Tai shouted as the screen switched to Kimiko and Sabrina.

"Well…" Kimiko started.

"Because we feel like cheering for him….yeah, since Orochimaru isn't here…" Sabrina finished.

"She forced me…" Kimiko whispered…

"YOU DAM TRAITORS! SOME FRIENDS YOU ARE!" Myryu shouted at them, with a vein pop.

"Actually, we're Tai's friends. We hate you…" Sabrina said as Kimiko covered her pointed finger at Sabrina with her other hand.

"GRR! When we kick-" Myryu started.

"Pwn, we're gonna pwn!" Takuya reminded Myryu.

"Yeah, that's right! When we pwn Sasuke's butt, I am gonna shove my kunai up your-"

"Ok Sasuke! You ready to cry?(!)" Tai asked.

"No, but are you? CRY TO THE SIGHT OF THIS! GO SEXYSASUKE!"

"WHAT THE HELL?(!)"

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Lone: Yeah, I'm gonna leave you at a cliffhanger. Even though this really didn't have anything to do with Sasuke becoming a Pokemon trainer, it still explained some of his powers…oh yeah. It shouldn't be weird to read that Naruto uses wind pokemon…at last not to me…oh come on, you just KNOW he would use a pokemon like Butterfree for that!

…crap, didn't finish all that I wanted to finish…..but they will come up soon….dam….


	6. TIMEWARP, MY MACARONI!

Lone: 'Lo people. I've decided to actually write something because during the time I was gone /GASP/ I became a decent writer! I've so sorry I haven't been doing anything special this year. But I am working on two Onimusha fanfics, one in Demon Siege, the other in Dawn of Dreams and some original ones!

I don't feel like writing the continuation of Sasuke, not that I'll never do it, just not now. This is why you get THIS!

……….

"DAMN!" Shino took off his glasses, the last remaining item of his pride and handed them over to the head monkey sitting in front of him. His cards were all failures; the monkeys had won this game of strip poker. There was a rustling behind the trees they were surrounded by; an albino girl(I have a thin with albinos, okay?) stepped out in a black sweatshirt and black pants. Her hand reached up and wiped some sweat from her forehead as she approached the poker group.

"Excuse me, do you have the location for this-OHMAHGOD!" The girl screamed as Shino turned around to answer her. She pointed to his eyes, which were conveniently censored as the camera turned to him. More rustling could be heard as a boy in a red t-shirt and blue jeans stepped out, his multicolored hair looked like flames.

"GREAT! Nice going, genius!" The boy yelled at the girl, a glare on his face. "The one time I decided to go with you losers, we end up who the hell knows where!"

"YOU SHUT UP! It wasn't even my fault, Jeremy had the machine!" The girl yelled back, her glare sharp. A boy with short blond hair and small glasses was fiddling around with a remote control; a lobster jammed onto the antennae. Clumps of dirt and sticks were stuck in his hair, although he didn't notice.

"Uh oh, I think we should've used dill pickles for this, guys. Hey, Myryu" The boy looked over to the angry boy. "What happened to everyone else?"

"Probably in another dimension…" Myryu muttered, looking over to the group sitting on the dirt. "And who the hell are you guys?"

"I am Jim-Jim, head alpha of the magical race called the 'Cocoa Llama Monkeys'." The monkey who Shino had handed his shades too. The girl stared at her feet, the words the monkey had just spoken lying there.

"You…have subtitles?" The girl said, looking over to the monkey in confusion.

"Well, you can't expect us to talk English, we're monkeys!" The words replaced the other set immediately. She looked over to Shino for help.

"Don't worry, you'll get used to it." Shino said calmly, retrieving his shades so she wouldn't scream again. The blond head was searching his pocket when he took out a small colorful pamphlet.

"Okay. Minute, you WERE right: Lobster is for ninjas, pickles are for pirates, apple pie covered with Coke is for samurais." The boy beamed at Minute, who had turned to stick her tongue out at Myryu. Myryu then looked at Shino.

"Hey you. Bug boy. Show us around here." Shino looked puzzled. How did he know he controlled bugs? He was about to ask, but Myryu waved him off.

"You have a tv show. So whatever, start chaperoning."

"Wait just one minute!" The alpha of the Cocoa Llama Monkeys shouted. Myryu didn't like waiting, so he lunged at the subtitles.

"OH GOD!" The subtitles read as Myryu ate them.

"I hate subtitles! And they tasted like ham!" Myryu shouted at the monkeys, picking up the exclamation point that was left. He flicked it at the monkeys like a boomerang. It collided with the alpha, knocking it on the ground. Then his right hand smacked a tree beside him, and icy spikes rose below the group of monkeys. Instead of maiming them though, they flew into the sky with stars following them.

"TEAM MONKEYS ARE BLASTING OFF AGAIN!" They shouted in English as Myryu had destroyed the evil known as subtitles. Because really, noone needs subtitles for monkeys. The boy wore a smirk on his face, pointing at the pile of clothes.

"Get your damn clothes on and let's go."

…….

"MINUTE!" Mana yelled, her hands cupped around her mouth. She wore a shirt with a random logo on it and some blue jeans. Her hair was a short, spiky hyper blue with a yellow headband. The following companions consisted of Chris; her face was set in a scowl as she wore a baggy black t-shirt and dark purple pants with black shoes. This one; her hair was a some-what soft spiky kind, the tips red, matching the surround black. Sarah was there too; face wore a confused look with aqua hair in two long pigtails with skulls on the hairbands. She wore a long sleeve yellow shirt with a one-pleated brown skirt and brown pants. Her black combat boots remained with her wardrobe. Then there was Rain, her short, scruffy violet hair hanging down with a few strands pulled back by a red ribbon. She wore her uniform: a black pullover worn above a white-collar shirt complete with Mary Janes, baggy white socks, and a gray pleated skirt. Another boy also had a scowl, his arms crossed. He was Birenze, short spiky black hair conveniently hiding his dog-ears: his favorite animal to shape-shift into.

Birenze wore a long-sleeve navy blue shirt with khaki shorts and blue sneakers. His socks were lime-green. Mana continued to yell some more while Rain amused herself with a chain of five paper dolls, all joining hands. Birenze stared along with her, trying to find out what was so interesting. They were in a desert, surrounded by dust colored sand everywhere. The sky was a mix of dark blue and dark green, making a sickly color they couldn't bear to look at. There were three suns, brightly shining next to each other. Where the hell were they?

Wherever they were, Chris wanted to get a move on soon. It wasn't good to get in Chris's way of what she wanted.

The soft crunching of sand alerted them of nearby residents. A man walked up to them; his face looked like they haven't been shaved for weeks, along with his long spiky gray hair. His eyes were a warm gray and his clothing consisted of yellow and black shoes, a bland cape partially wrapped around his neck as a scarf and a long-sleeve green shirt.

"Are you a hobo? My mom always said that if I ever saw a hobo to smack it with an umbrella and walk away." Sarah said to the man, pulling out an umbrella. Everyone looked towards the umbrella in confusion.

"Your mom never said that." Chris retorted, her hands clenching into fists.

"Yes she did. She'd say that when you'd be asleep so she wouldn't scare you!"

"Why the hell would I be afraid of hobos?!"

"I dunno…." Sarah magically put away the umbrella and revealed the space cube she had stolen from Jimmy Neutron when they previously were in his dimension before they ended up here.

"I'm not a hobo." The man said, confused as he stared at the group.

"Yes you are. You're just one of those lying hobos."

"I'll admit I look like a hobo-

"Because you're a hobo.

"Are you obsessed with hobos or something?"

"No…." Sarah hid a scruffy hobo she found in France behind her back.

"I WAS a clean and still intelligent man named Daichi Misawa-

"See, he's a lying hobo!" Sarah said, pointing to Daichi.

"What the-YOU'VE SEEN MY SHOW!"

"Yeah, a show with BASTION Misawa."

"FINE, GO WITH MY DUB NAME!" Daichi yelled, throwing his hands in the air. "Do you guys know how to get out of here or anything? Something? 'Cause there's this ninja guy with me and he's starting to piss me off."

"Sorry buddy, we're as lost as you are." Birenze said in a bored voice, staring at the paper chain. Daichi sighed.

"Fine. Come with me to my cave."

"You have the Batmobile?!" Sarah screamed, jumping up and down in excitement.

"Yes." Daichi said sarcastically and was met with a squeal. A sudden weight jumped on him and he fell down hard in the sand.

"My god-GET OFF!" Daichi yelled at Sarah while she laid on his back.

"Carry me, hobo!" Daichi growled but complied. The group followed him for what about seemed to be an hour. Then they reached a cave in the middle of a huge rock. A small wooden sign was in front of it, with crudely written words saying 'Hobo Lair'.

"OHMYGOD YOU BROUGHT US HERE TO KILL US AND GROPE OUR DEAD BODIES WHILE SLOWLY RIPPING OUR SUPPLE FLESH OFF!" Sarah yelled, kicking Daichi in the back of his head and jumping off. She ran over to Chris and started clinging to her while Daichi spit out sand from landing.

"God damn it!" Daichi muttered. "No, I won't eat you. Now get in!" They walked into the cave; a pile of fire was in the middle of the cave, lighting the room. Sitting in front of the fire was….

Neji.

Chris turned to Daichi with a glare.

"Damn you hobo."


End file.
